


The Last Words Ever Said

by GrandDukeForever



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Implied Slash, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2014-03-26
Packaged: 2018-01-17 01:46:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1369372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrandDukeForever/pseuds/GrandDukeForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Random, disjointed sort of drabbles that were inspired by select lyrics from Kris Allen's song, "Live Like We're Dying."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Demons of the Mind

**Author's Note:**

> So I realize I've been M.I.A. for about a month or so, and I'm really sorry about that. My work schedule became even more intense recently, to the point where I've become seriously burnt out, and I also recently lost my thumb drive, which contained ALL of my writing; not just my fanfiction. That in itself was upsetting, not to mention anything new I had written (either in terms of updates or entirely brand new stories) within the last month or so have been completely lost, because I haven't had the time to back them up. I seriously don't know how I allowed such a careless mistake to happen. That being said, it may take me a bit longer to get back into my writing groove again. I know some of you have been waiting on updates to my currently ongoing stories. I still plan to get there, don't worry. It's just going to take more time now than I would have liked. So, I suppose you could say, this story was inspired by my stormy mood and lyrics I was somehow reminded of, which helped in the shaping of this story. Lyrics are from Kris Allen's "Live Like You're Dying." Not dedicated to anyone because the writing style is so very different from my usual work and so experimental that I wasn't sure anyone was going to like it for a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _So if your life flashed before you,  
>  What would you wish you would've done?_
> 
> * * *

After his brother dies, Raleigh is more than happy to leave the PPDC. He’s dismissed on the grounds of insubordination. Raleigh doesn’t care.

There’s no body to bury, but there is a funeral held. Raleigh attends, but his mind is elsewhere.

“ _Raleigh! Listen to me! You need to—”_

Try as he might, Raleigh can’t forget the battle with Knifehead. He can’t forget what it felt like to have his brother’s consciousness wrenched away from him.

The pain. Fear. Loneliness. Emptiness. His brother’s last thoughts.

Turns out it’s true. When it’s time, the human mind just seems to know. Raleigh’s witnessed it firsthand. Death’s welcoming gift to a newly departing soul is one heck of a slide show. Had Raleigh not allowed himself to get stunned by what he saw in the Drift, he might have been able to save his brother. If Yancy had the ability to speak to Raleigh from the afterlife, the younger man knew the older man would tell him not to blame himself; that he did everything he possibly could have. That didn’t mean Raleigh was apt to listen though. Every second was crucial in a Kaiju battle. Raleigh had known this, just as well as any other Jaeger pilot in the Corps. However, in a single moment, Raleigh had proven that all the training he had gone through had been for naught. He had disobeyed orders. He had convinced his brother to go along with him and take an unnecessary risk, just to prove a childish point. He had allowed himself to become distracted at the absolutely wrong moment, wasting critical seconds and costing Yancy his life.

For five years, Raleigh is haunted by the same dreams. His brother’s final thought sequence, transmitted to him through the Drift. Yancy’s entire life from his perspective, starting and ending at the same focal point.

“ _Raleigh!”_

Before experiencing it for himself, it never occurred to Raleigh that looking at himself through another pair of eyes could show him something so starkly different from what he could find on his own in a mirror. It’s very different.

Every time the younger man closes his eyes and sees through his brother’s vision, sees the way that Yancy saw him throughout all their years together, Raleigh always asks himself how he could have missed it. Why he never noticed any of the signs before.

Perhaps it was because Yancy had known how to play within the rules, so to speak, of his perfect cover. They were brothers. They’d always been close. Yancy had made sure to be openly affectionate with Raleigh from the get-go, from their time spent at the academy continuing all the way through the years they lived together in the Shatterdome. So that no one would suspect a thing. Not even the younger Becket.

Raleigh tries not to let feelings of anger rise within him whenever he thinks about it. After all, there’s no sense in being pissed at the dead. And it’s his fault anyway, Raleigh’s decided. He should have noticed. He should have sensed it.

Every time Yancy’s eyes would linger just a bit longer on Raleigh’s form than was probably considered appropriate between brothers. The way he’d intentionally brush his fingertips along Raleigh’s arm once in a while as they talked and interacted throughout the day. How when Yancy’s face came in dangerously close to Raleigh’s, it wasn’t because he was trying to hear his younger brother, like he claimed. It was because deep down, Yancy really wanted to kiss Raleigh. He never did, of course; he had always managed to hold himself back.

The very last thought though, that Raleigh received from his brother is the one that stands out from all the rest. It is technically a memory now, but in relation to the rest of his brother’s transmission, it was Yancy’s last conscious thought, told to Raleigh through the convenience of the Drift.

“ _I never got to tell you, Raleigh.”_

Yancy had his fair share of excuses. He could never seem to find the right timing. He was afraid of the possibility of Raleigh rejecting him for being honest. Morally, it just wasn’t right. It was the older man’s only real regret. Fortunately for him, though, he no longer has to worry about it. Raleigh, on the other hand, still has to live with his.

If only he had noticed. There is no question that he would have most certainly done something about it.


	2. Just One Minute to Save the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _Yeah, we gotta start_  
>  _Looking at the hands of the time we've been given_  
>  _If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking_  
>  _If every second counts on a clock that's ticking_  
>  _Gotta live like we're dying_
> 
> * * *

Raleigh isn’t afraid to die. That isn’t the problem.

“ _Raleigh! Listen to me! You need to—”_

It’s the fact that he owes it to his brother to live.

“— _do everything you can to survive! Don’t let it beat you, kiddo! Okay? You hear me, Rals?”_

Raleigh had heard him and he had promised. His determination to keep that promise was what had given him the strength to fight Knifehead with everything that he had. There had been no glory in that victory. Raleigh never wanted to fight another Kaiju or pilot another Jaeger again.

Then the marshal had come for him and changed everything. He had given Raleigh an offer that he couldn’t refuse.

“ _...where would you rather die?! Here? Or in a Jaeger?!”_

If Raleigh had been the one who had died, Yancy still would have fought to help save the world, if given the opportunity. This is the rationale Raleigh uses to justify his trip to the unofficial Shatterdome facility based in the city of Hong Kong.

It doesn’t matter that he knows that had Yancy survived the Knifehead battle together with him, he most certainly wouldn’t allow Raleigh to risk his life again. Yancy had always been overprotective of him like that. The older man would have found a way to force Raleigh to stay behind, and then go ahead to the Shatterdome alone.

Yancy wasn’t here though. Raleigh chose to accept the marshal’s offer.

He managed to make it through to the end of the war. He reached a point where the situation was near impossible. One minute to manually self-detonate Gipsy Danger in the Breach and at the same time attempt to save himself. The last thought he has just before losing consciousness in his escape pod is that he is not afraid.

Raleigh lives to see another day. When reporters ask him later on how he feels about this, Raleigh always tells them what he knows the world wants to hear and not his genuinely honest answer. It’s just easier that way.


	3. Conversations with a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to_  
>  _Turn it all around or to throw it all away_  
>  _We gotta tell them that we love them_  
>  _While we got the chance to say_  
>  _Gotta live like we're dying_  
> 
> 
> * * *

“ _You’ve reached the cell phone of Yancy Becket! I cannot come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!”_

Raleigh never stopped paying his brother’s monthly phone bill, even years after his brother’s death, because he never wanted to forget the sound of Yancy’s voice. It was the only recording of his brother’s voice that Raleigh had, just like the picture of the two of them together in Amsterdam was all he had to ensure that he’d never forget his older brother’s face.  He framed the original and made several extra copies of the picture, just in case.

Raleigh plays his brother’s voicemail recording almost obsessively. He calls it at least once to several times a day. It’s become such a natural habit to do so now, Raleigh doesn’t even think twice about it when he hits the number on his speed dial.

After hearing the tone, Raleigh always leaves a message. He never plays back what he’s recorded; he just clears the inbox every now and again, when he’s filled the mailbox with his daily musings to his brother.

“I love you, Yancy,” he says sometimes. Short and sweet. Other days, he leaves more extensive monologues.

“I wish you could pick up the phone, Yance,” Raleigh says one time. “You’re the only one I’d ever tell if I felt like I was having a bad day...and let me tell you, man...today was one hell of a day…”

There’s a three minute voice recording cap, and Raleigh’s about mastered condensing everything he wants to say—for the most part, anyway—within that time frame. He’s also become an expert at avoiding extended pauses or taking too long for a breath; both of which also prematurely terminates the session.

Occasionally, Raleigh finds himself hit hard and overwhelmed with emotion. On those days, he tends to call his brother several times back-to-back, in quick succession.

“I miss you, Yancy.”

Raleigh stays home on those days, when he feels like crying. Periods of raw emotion that he never will share with the rest of the world.

“I miss you so, so much, Yance…” Raleigh will whisper and sob in these moments; in a dark room, hunched over on his bed and his body wrapped tightly in a blanket.

He wastes not a beat after his message is forced to end. He’s done it so many times, he knows what to do without even so much as glancing at his phone.

Most days, Yancy’s phone is turned off and left on its charger. This way, Raleigh doesn’t have to wait through several rings. Yancy’s voice comes up instantly, and Raleigh starts again.


	4. Last Day on Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _And if your plane fell out of the skies,_  
>  _Who would you call with your last goodbye?_
> 
> * * *

Raleigh's survived battles with over-sized alien creatures, outlasted every immediate family member, and has otherwise avoided death a countless number of times. So it's almost funny that a mechanical error of a civilian aircraft is what finally brings about his downfall. 

He doesn't laugh about it though, as ironic as he finds it. Yancy wouldn't like it at all.

There had been rumors swirling for years about the quality of the materials used for the airline, but no one had gone about taking the time to prove or disprove them. The truth comes to light one fateful day in the middle of August, when the aircraft Raleigh is on is suddenly in for a nosedive.

A chorus of panicked screams, tearful hysterics, and desperate pleas to various religious deities erupts all at once. In the midst of all the chaos, only one passenger remains calm.

Raleigh doesn’t really think about what he does next. He just moves. 

His eyes are unfocused. A half-smile forms on his face as he brings the phone to his ear.

“ _You’ve reached the cell phone of Yancy Becket!”_

Raleigh speaks at the same volume he always does. He doesn’t bother to shout. 

“Hey, Yance. It’s me. Listen...”

He knows Yancy can hear him just fine.

“I’ll be seeing you soon. All right?”


	5. Mistakes Happen, and They Can Change Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _You never know a good thing till it's gone_  
>  _You never see a crash till it's head on_  
>  _Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong_  
>  _You never know a good thing till it's gone_
> 
> * * *

Yancy starts that morning like any other, when it turns out he and Raleigh have been called out for a fight. Even in his groggy state, at two in the morning, Yancy still thinks the same thought.

“ _If we survive this today...this time, I'll tell him.”_

Of course, Yancy never ends up allowing himself to take  the risk. He loves his brother too much to take a chance on potentially ruining their close relationship with his complicated feelings.  Whether things would have panned out differently had he known that day wasn't going to end typically, it was difficult to say. Yancy possessed maybe only a fraction of his younger brother's daredevil nature, and it was because he treasured Raleigh so much that he could never bring himself to follow through with his desire.

“ _You know what I'm thinking.”_

That same love would ultimately be his undoing. Perhaps though, it was inevitable. 

“ _I'm in your brain, I know.”_

After all, Yancy was truly incapable of denying his little brother anything. Especially if he asked for something sweetly, with his blue eyes sparkling brightly and while wearing that cheeky, yet charming little grin of his.

“ _Let's go fishing.”_

They couldn't have known. 

“ _Here we go! Come on bro! Put some muscle into it!"_

They hadn't known.

“ _Just worry about yourself, kiddo.”_


End file.
